With our first three tinies, we have always waited until the day of the birth for the epic “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!” announcement.

There are so few surprises left in our lives these days, right?I have always been quite content to wait for the big day’s announcement. It made it even more exciting. Plus I personally know two women who had been told they were having a boy, bonded quite thoroughly with that baby, and then came home with a baby girl – turns out that ultrasounds aren’t quite as reliable as we would like.

But with Tiny #4, we’ve decided we’ve had all the surprises we can handle. For the first time, we decided to find out the sex of our baby before he or she is born. It took a lot of discussion between us. Brian really wanted to find out this time and I was ambivalent, even leaning towards keeping with our little tradition of remaining in the dark. But in the end, after all that back-and-forth, since this much-beloved baby was a bit of a surprise to all of us, we decided that NOW is a good time to finally do a bit of planning.

And that “sneak peek” was today.

We did decide against doing any big “reveal party” or making a big fuss about it publicly. We think it would be too much for our tinies. So rather than get them all keyed up at a party with friends and family present, and then perhaps disappointing one or two of them in front of an audience, we decided to keep the announcement low-key, private, and family-centric at first in order to help them process both their elation or disappointment.

We’ve been setting the stage by talking a lot about how “God has given this baby to us” and “we’ll all be happy with our baby, no matter if it is a boy or a girl.” The tinies “get” that, but I know each of them has a preference deep down in their hearts, too. And that’s okay. We just want to help them navigate those feelings well if it doesn’t turn out as they desire.

We also decided to hold off on naming the baby even if we knew the sex, just in case there was an error. Plus, in our experience, in Joseph’s case, we had another boy name picked out entirely. But when he was born, we took one look at that beautiful boy and we just knew that the name we had picked was wrong for this kid. He was our Joe right from the start, and we wouldn’t have known that until we held him. But once we did, it was so clear. Even if we know the sex, we do want to leave a little room for surprises.

Once the baby is here all those preferences often disappear anyway, every one is just so happy at a little freshie finally safely earthside. We all know that our priority here is a healthy baby to term. Yet the novelty of finding out ahead of time if a tiny is a boy or a girl has become exciting and new for all of us.

Going into the appointment, I was excited but also a bit nervous. This is our mid-point appointment and we won’t have another ultrasound until very near the due date. So this was it – our chance to not only find out all the important things that actually matter like health and development but also to find out the sex of the baby. I drank my big glass of orange juice an hour ahead of time to hedge my bets for an active baby during the exam. Tinies at school, Evelynn with my mother, Brian met me at the ultrasound office – let’s do this.

After nearly forty minutes of scanning, we had a final verdict: inconclusive.

Yep. Inconclusive.

All that angst and discussion about whether or not to find out the sex of the baby and …. no answer.

The baby is growing perfectly and beautifully. There is nothing quite like being able to ‘see’ their profile and watch someone no bigger than an heirloom tomato peddling their feet and grabbing their own hands. Such a little person already! It was a wonderful appointment, complete with a strong heartbeat, a beautiful spine, and all other important development milestones being met. Check out this beauty:

Bessey 0003

But our Tiny #4 stubbornly kept his or her legs together and refused to budge, no matter what we did.

So that’s that. No answers. The mystery remains.

We had to laugh. Served us right.

Of course, then we promptly called a private ultrasound clinic right from the parking lot to set up an appointment within the next week to try again.

No shame in my game, people.

So now I’m curious: if you have had children, did you find out the sex of the baby ahead of time? Or did you wait?


If you subscribe to my e-newsletter, some portions of this news won’t come as a surprise – subscribers often find out announcements ahead of time.

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  • Tina Carstens

    Does feel a little like God’s sense of humor, doesn’t it!? Hope you get better cooperation next time around. We found out for both of our girls ahead of time. It just was never something I cared to be surprised with figuring there would be so many other surprises ahead. And in my case it turned out to be a blessing to know ahead of time as both of my girls were born early (and healthy). That was surprise enough for me!

  • Too funny! My husband and I decided to find out, with both of our children, and I’ve never regretted that. But then, I like to be prepared! When we found out that we were expecting a second girl, I remember feeling so thankful and amazed that my oldest daughter would have a sister to go through life with. Regardless of when you find out, it’s always going to be amazing!

  • Ha! That’s hilarious! Sorry for all that built up tension, but hopefully next week will lay things out for you two!

  • We waited with both of our children. Our first was a girl but I was so sure we were having a boy so when the doctor announced, “it’s a girl,” I asked if he was sure. Our second was a boy and because my pregnancy was so different I again thought I was having a boy.

    I don’t regret it. But if–and that’s a big if–God would see fit to give us another child, I think I would want to know, especially now thst the kids are older.

  • Brenda P

    My mom waited until birth for all three of her kids to know whether it was a boy or a girl.

  • We decided to find out when we were pregnant with our first child. The anatomy scan ultrasound was inconclusive (they had a guess, but weren’t sure). But the subsequent ultrasounds all showed a boy, which is what we had.

    I think the next time we’ll wait to find out though. I feel like the moment we find out the gender, people start putting stereotypes on the little one and I’d like to put that off as long as possible. Plus I prefer gender-neutral baby items so it might keep me from getting all pink or all blue! 🙂

  • Tracy Teixeira

    We had one boy and one girl 3 years apart and then ‘surprise baby’ 5 years later. We found out at 20 weeks and I was so glad we did. The news of another sister was hard for my son and so with time to process and the fun of picking out a name together as a family, on the day she arrived he was ready and able to fall instantly in love with her.

  • We definitely found out; even scheduled an elective appointment to find out a little bit earlier – at 15 weeks instead of 23. I wasn’t willing to wait! The funny part is that I really, really wanted to find out ASAP, but had no preference as to which biological sex. I just NEEDED to know; I’m terrible with surprises. And they warned us it could be inconclusive that early, you need to wait, etc…

    then she popped up on the screen and the ultrasound tech and I both said “Girl” out loud at almost exactly the same time. It was just unmistakeable.

  • Sarah

    Oh, we found out, but we found out we had identical twins AND both carried the CF gene in the same month, so we weren’t really up for any more surprises. Luckily for us we had the added benefit of a genetic makeup to confirm the ultrasound.

    • Sarah

      Oh, but we did wait to name them until we saw them, which I loved personally. We had a list of 6 names and the one we were sure we were going to use we didn’t.

  • StaciaR

    The exact same thing happened with my first – I had a total of four ultrasounds from 20 weeks on with her (needed to remeasure a few times) and every single time her legs were tightly shut. I just knew she was a girl so we went with it, and it turned out I was right.

    With my second pregnancy, I had an even stronger feeling than before. I KNEW this baby was a boy, and hey, I was right the first time, so….Imagine my surprise (but delight!) when at the ultrasound I hear, “You most definitely have a girl!”

    I prefer to find out – just my personality 🙂

  • Kelly Ower Eastmond

    We didn’t find out with our first two, but had strong feelings that they were boys. We were right on both counts. It seemed silly to have a discussion about finding out the gender of our 3rd baby, since despite not “finding out” the gender of the first two, we knew what they were going to be before their birth day. So we went into that ultrasound content to wait…until those words I will never forget, “Well, there are two of them.” Two what?! Two hands, two feet, two eyes? Lots of things come in twos on babies! But in this case, there was four of all those things! We decided we’d had enough surprises that day and found out we were having two beautiful little girls!

  • Ha. That IS truly, pretty funny. We always find out, from our perspective we can be surprised at the ultrasound or on the birth day, may as well have a little time to plan accordingly. Not that I go overboard on pink/blue. Honestly I’m probably just impatient.

  • We found out. We couldn’t think of any reason to wait for ourselves. We also totally dropped the ball on the big reveal for our second baby (a boy) with our firstborn (also a boy). We tried to take a picture of him with his little baby boy doll that we’d gotten him as a way to prep him for the new baby. He had really loved it at first, but when it came time for a picture of him with the baby doll for the “reveal,” he kept spiking it on the floor. So we just happened to mention on Facebook that the next baby would be a boy at some point a few months later because we’d long since forgotten to do the reveal and everyone was all, “WHAT? ANOTHER BOY?”

  • Lindsay

    After being surprised with twins, I wasn’t looking for anymore surprises. Although, to be fair, I’m horribly impatient and probably would have found out anyway. But we found out, and I’ve always been glad. 🙂

  • Kendra

    That IS funny! We’re on week 34 with #2 and we found out with both. Both boys. We had no desire to wait and be surprised, haha! I loved the idea of picking a name in-utero and being able to call him by it. I think it made it a little more fun/relatable for our oldest to have a name to use and start imagining who his little brother might be. Just us though, and I think it’s beautiful no matter what a family chooses, we just knew what was right for us.

    Excited to hear who #4 is! You make cute kids 🙂

  • We found out ahead of time with our first, I was freaking out way too much to leave that surprise till the very end. With our second, we decided to be surprised, but I knew deep in my knower that she was a girl. I loved both experiences for different reasons, but if it ever happens again (Lord willing) I think I’d choose to be surprised. Not sure what dear Husband would want… but, it was one of my favorite memories of birth story with my daughter. “It’s a girl” brought instant tears…all that waiting and anticipation. (For the record, “it’s a boy” would have brought equal amounts of tears!)

  • Julie

    Well, lol!

    I have three kids. The first we wanted to be a surprise. Second I wanted to know, but hubby didn’t, so we didn’t. Third I really really wanted to know, he still didn’t, but did not come to the 22 week ultrasound…..so……I asked!

  • Baby has a sense of humor! We found out the sex with all four of our babies. My husband and I couldn’t wait till birth to find out…plus all the cute baby things….I wanted to shop, lol! Hope the next appt is the big reveal!

  • Heh that’s great 🙂 We didn’t find out with babies 1 & 2 but with 2 girls already, felt the need to know…either way!.. with the third.

  • Deb

    Found out with both of them – I was the kid who tried to peek at Christmas presents so there was no way I’d voluntarily NOT find out 🙂

  • Tara Porter-Livesay

    Did not find out with Britt or Paige (not a choice – no U/S were done back then as a habit). Found out with both Noah and Lydia. Love you. So excited for you Besseys.

  • The policy of the health authority in our area prevented gender revelations up until baby #3. So, we guessed. Well, educated guess on my part. My gut was right 3/3 times, but only on baby #3 did we receive actual confirmation from the ultrasound.

    So excited to hear about your success at the private clinic! <3

  • Tammy

    We waited until they were born for each of our 3.

  • Nurse Bee

    We found out with all three of our ahead of time. With #2, the doctor said she was “probably a girl” but we paid for another private ultrasound just to be sure. I felt like it helped me bond with the babies more before they were born, being able to name them, but that’s just me.

  • Jo Inglis

    Ha love it that TinyBessey#4 is so smart already! We didn’t find out with any of our 3 – gender identification much more difficult 20+ years ago, nor could you tell which end of baby was which on the scans. Grandchild due before year end, sex unknown

  • Rea

    We found out with both boys. I’m just a major planner and even though we never decorated for a nursery (small apartments both times) the thought of not knowing was too much for me. With our 2nd we did decide to wait to disclose the sex to anyone else though, although my husband let it slip to the in-laws a week or two before, but they didn’t pick up on it.

  • Jenlovesmark

    Oh jeepers!!! The EXACT same thing happened to us! Our Joseph was clamped up tight as he could! And he was a surprise baby to boot. These little last borns keep families hopping.

  • We were terribly practical with baby #1. A big reason we didn’t want to find out the sex was so people wouldn’t fall into the temptation to buy us gender-specific items. We wanted to be able to reuse and pass on as many items as possible…

    And then our baby #1 came 8 weeks early, before my first shower. And we were gifted lots of boy stuff.

    As it turns out, baby #2 was also a boy, so we got to pass everything on anyway 🙂

  • Shelbey

    We found out we were having a girl and I’m so glad we did. I think it really helped the whole thing seem more real, and we were able to connect with her before she was here a lot more. My sister was pregnant about 7 months after me and they did not find out. She goes on and on about how fun it was to discover she had a boy in the delivery room, but it still doesn’t appeal to me! If I have another, I’m totally finding out again.

  • Nope. Didn’t find out either time. I just KNEW the first time around…sounds weird, but I guess it was mama’s intuition. The second time I had so prepared myself for her to possibly be a boy that when they said, “It’s a girl!” I was shocked! I totally had a girl name picked out, but like your Joe it didn’t fit. Jaime faded away and our little lady is Stacy.

  • Momof2Boys

    We found out with both of ours. I like to remind everyone that it’s still a “surprise” even if you find out at the ultrasound, it just happens a little earlier! With our second, I had my heart set on having a girl, so finding out we were having another boy at the halfway mark gave me time to process my disappointment and get excited to meet another little guy. By the time he was born, I was thrilled and very glad that I got to experience joy at his birth without any twinges of disappointment over gender!

  • Amber

    I found out early for my daughter, but I knew as soon as I was pregnant it was a girl. I had dreams about her, a little blonde baby girl. I’m not normally one of those super-intuitive women, but this time, I was. So when the ultrasound technician said “Looky there! It’s a girl.” I just said “I know” and wiped tears off my face. But in the future, I think a surprise would be fun!

  • amanda

    We have five littles. With the first one, we had no ultrasound, and we didn’t know if a boy or a girl was coming. (My mom bought an outfit for each. She was prepared.) I loved meeting him and loving him. Like you said: Once they arrive, it’s all love. We did know with our second, thanks to a required u/s and an obvious screen shot. We did know with our third: again, a required u/s. After two boys, she was our girl, and it was wonderful to know and anticipate and buy lots of pink things. But with our last two littles, we have not known (no required u/s), and I loved the surprise. Loved meeting them and loving them. If we were to have more littles (though I must say, I would like to rest), I wouldn’t want to know. I have enjoyed the “not knowing”. I love just welcoming the newest little, whomever he or she may be. There’s something really special and different about those 3 arrivals, and I am not able to put words to it, at the moment.

  • Handsfull

    Lol! We have four, and found out with all of them. The first I was sure was a girl, the second I was sure was a boy, and I was right both times. As I am obviously very intuitive 😉 when I was sure the third was a girl and the baby wouldn’t co-operate at the scan, we just went with it being a girl. Two weeks before I was due I had to have another scan, due to concerns over the baby’s size… and lo and behold, it was a boy! I was stunned! What had happened to my intuition?! I was so sure we were having a girl that it somehow felt as though the girl I was expecting had died. I honestly grieved for her for a week or so, until I came to terms with another boy. I’m so glad I found out before he was born, because I was prepared to love my new little son when he did arrive! All the best for finding out next week.

  • Ladette K

    On the first one, we didn’t find out. My husband just assumed we would have a boy (since he was one of three boys… even though I have two sisters, lol) and when SHE came out, he’s like…”Where’s the pen*s??” The doctor calmly told him, “You have a daughter Mr. Kerr.” 🙂 After that, dh didn’t want any more such surprises… so we found out the last 4 times. Of course, when #3 came… and they told us it was a boy… we didn’t believe them (supposedly you have a greater chance of flying to the moon than have a boy after two girls). Numbers 3 & 4 were boys. So we have 3 girls and 2 boys. Only the first was a surprise.

  • We found out with Florence and we waited for Theodore. I must say it was probably more exciting finding out the sex before hand. After my homebirth with Teddy I was so overwhelmed by, well, birth that I didn’t really care! But I had three dreams that Teddy was a boy so I wasn’t that surprised. So excited for you Sarah!

  • Michelle

    Found out with both of ours. We are planners and it made it much easier to take all the unknowns along the way at least knowing gender.
    You’re post made me laugh. 🙂

  • Another Sarah

    I am prego with my third and really wanted the surprise with my girls, but this time I HAD to know. And excitingly, it is a boy – no mystery at all, even I could figure that picture out clearly! With our second we considered finding out but she didn’t cooperate at all…so we decided that was a sign to be surprised.

  • We found out with Seren… it was something we wanted not because we needed a surprise or not, but because we wanted to get to know this little person as much as possible as soon as possible. We wanted to begin discovering the uniqueness that was her, in all her amazing little details, right away. I wasn’t expecting it, but right after the ultrasound tech said, “It’s a girl!”, the Spirit whispered her name into my heart (and into my husband’s at the same time, although we didn’t know it until weeks later).

  • Julie Morris

    I feel like mentioning how uncomfortable I got over hearing about the a 40 minute scan and another next week. My husband and I have done extensive research on fetal ultrasounds and the damage too much can potentially do to developing babies. I don’t want to be a party pooper or make you worried. As a general rule, though, I believe medical procedures ought to be done only when needed. For our kids, we didn’t have an ultrasound until the anatomy, and then only scanned for life-threatening conditions. As an aside, our oldest has a congenital disability and I am glad we didn’t know before he was born, because it is so much better to know the child before the disability than to know the disability before the child.

    As always, it’s up to you, but I recommend looking into both sides of the ultrasound story.

  • We didn’t find out with either our 4 year old daughter, or 2 year old son. I am due Feb 4, and we didn’t find out this time either… although I am think I am most curious this time around!

  • Jocelyn

    we had as surprise with the first but with the twins, I wanted to know before so we could prepare. And you better believe I had them check and double check every few times I had an ultrasound!

  • Ours was inconclusive too! 🙂 Can’t wait for the second ultrasound.

  • aflyingfig

    We found out on two and didn’t find out on two. My husband guessed correctly on all of them.

  • Sara Rooney

    So I don’t know if you remember me from your last “tiny #4” post, but I was the one who commented that our stories about our current pregnancies were so similar… Except for this! Our baby really, *really* wanted us to know he was a boy (if you catch my drift). But I suppose that was because my husband and I both wanted another girl, so he was doing his best to make sure we knew he was most definitely not a girl 🙂
    In the mean time, am so glad to hear tiny #4 is healthy and happy ( if a bit modest).

  • Waited on all three of ours. Wanted to hold out hope for a girl on the last two for as long as possible. Nope. Only boys!

  • Oh goodness, a wee shy one! With our two daughters we did not find out and we were like you, we wanted to be surprised and it was thrilling. The third pregnancy well our daughters were 10 and 14 so oh my we found out because this was a huge adjustment for our family. We found out we were having a boy with all four of us present to witness the event. Because of the circumstances it felt so right to know and still such a thrill when we all saw him. I hope next week is more revealing!

  • My husband was a resident when I was pregnant with our first, and we wanted to know as soon as we could. So although we had a 20 week appointment set, I sneaked into his hospital one night around 17 weeks when he was on overnight call. We hijacked not one, but two ultrasound machines (the first was so, so old) and spent more than an hour (I even took a nap), but my husband was determined. He was sure it was a boy, and he was right!

  • Jenna

    Found out with my first 2 (wanted to with the 1st and NEEDED to with the second since she wasn’t ‘planned’ and were 13 months apart!), and kept it a surprise till D-day with the third… Was more about the competition between my hubby and I as to who was right! (For the record, it was me!!). The way I see it, is that it’s a surprise EITHER way- it’s STILL a surprise at 20 weeks as it is at 40 (whatever) weeks!!!

  • Andrea W.

    We found out for both of our kiddos. I see it as a surprise either way. It’s a surprise mid- pregnancy! 🙂

  • Melissa Vanden Bout

    How funny! I’m glad that you will know soon.

    I was one of those women who always just knew. When I walked into the room for that 20week scan with my son, I was already calling him by name. That’s just who he was. And for my daughter, when we saw that precious blinking dot of life on the screen after too many heartrending losses…well, I SHOUTED out to the whole room (CNM, tech, husband), “There she is!” Those were just facts, like water is wet and the sun is bright. That I was so sure with my living children makes it easier to trust that intuition about the babes we lost, which is a beautiful gift.

  • Vicky C

    Our first (son) was the same way – couldn’t tell. But we found out later in the pregnancy (long story). With each subsequent pregnancy we were able to find out at that 19/20 week ultrasound. I always like knowing. No gender neutral clothing or nurseries. 🙂

  • We have found out each time, mostly because we felt like meeting the baby is such an exciting event that finding out the gender could be its own separate exciting event without taking away from the meeting the baby excitement. That, and I knew which kinds of clothes to be gathering. 🙂 I’m a month ahead of you with Number 4 and so excited for you guys!

  • It’s a cute story but it fails to rcognize the fact that one out of every hundred babies are trnasgender and their ‘sex’ at birth will not be in alignment with their internal, innate, gender identity. And instead of smiles and chuckles at God’s sense of humor, close to 60% of parents whose baby one day comes out as transgender will reject their child and curse God and/or their child in the process. Celebrate your baby’s life instead of their sex, and more importantly, be open to the possibility of being blessed with a gender-variant child in your family.

  • Mrs. K

    We were surprised with our first 3 and then decided to go ahead and find out with #4. I have to say, when the tech told us what we were having, I had this moment of “I wished we would have waited”. Not because we were upset, but because the surprise was gone.

  • So funny! We decided to found out with our first. She was a surprise and I wanted to have that one little piece of information so things seemed less chaotic. While I enjoyed knowing ahead of time, I would love to have the gender be a surprise for one of my future children.

    My parents said I was the only one they found out the gender for and it wasn’t quite as exciting as it was when you find out at birth. “yep… it’s a girl…”

  • Our first is coming along any day now, so we’ll finally get our big reveal. 2 observations of the not finding out experience:
    1) People respond as if you’re morally superior if you don’t find out (Why? I have no idea)
    2) It’s hard to refer to the baby in conversation. We’ve used “them” a lot, but then people think we’re having twins (which we’re not). Anyone have a good alternative to “it” or “he-she?”

  • Oh Sarah, you crack me up.
    Thanks for sharing this story.

  • Debra Lawler

    We have done both and I have to say, there was nothing like the thrill I felt of being surprised. I didn’t want to know for our last one. (5th pregnancy) Had the ultrasound and I saw for myself. Asked the tech and yes, I was right. So if you don’t want to know, don’t look too close! 😉

  • We found out with all our kids. I’m too much if a planner not to know! We wanted to pick out names too, but actually our second we couldn’t agree on until he was 3 days old! And i don’t think the name we’d picked out ahead would have fit him. However that 19 week gender ultrasound was a bit of a surprise with my third… It became third AND fourth! Then we had to come up with a second girl name to match the one we’d had through our two boys!

  • Midgie E. Bardo

    We found out with our first, our Nathan. We decided to wait with our second, but I was sure I was carrying a girl! Everything was so different about the pregnancy. I went two weeks overdue and had to be induced. So we dropped Nathan off at daycare early that morning, kissed and hugged him, and I said, “When Daddy picks you up this evening, you’ll have your new baby brother or sister!” He smiled at me, said, “It’s a brother,” and ran into daycare. Nine hours later, my doctor said, “It’s a boy!” – I said, “Really?” – she said, “are you disappointed?” and I said, “No!! Just surprised….” Then I thought of Nathan. He wasn’t surprised to see baby Ian!

  • April

    I think finding out the sex gives us an illusion of being able to be prepared, when in reality nothing can ever REALLY prepare us for the arrival of a new tiny human being into our lives!! 🙂 It’s like, we can’t control how it will actually be but we can go ahead and order those cute baby grows from the catalogue!!!!! We can lay out that cot bedding or make those curtains etc. I found out the first time and I’m glad because my husband and I were convinced it was a boy and when they told us she was a girl it took my husband a few days to get used to the idea and I’m glad I didn’t have that sort of thing after her actual birth!! With our second we didn’t find out but both of us just knew he was a boy….even from the 12 week scan….it’s like we saw HIM….and we were right!

  • Kara Hamilton

    I’m too much of a planner not to have find out 🙂 and I think that ended up being a good thing since, because of an extremely complicated pregnancy, I had more ultrasounds than I can remember and none of the techs had to try to remember not to say anything about the gender 🙂

  • Lynn Morrissey

    Oh I absolutely wished to know in advance. To me, it *was* a surprise at that time, and then I could be proactive and make appropriate prepartations. Like you, I didn’t want to name our baby until I saw her. The problem is that I am a hopeless perfectionist who had purchased NINE baby-name books, the last of which boasted FIFTY-THOUSAND names! You read that right. It was a last-minute purchase, so I had only just dived in when the “baby” was born. Thus, “baby” was her name for eleven days of her young life. When I was but on the “D’s” at this juncture, my husband put his foot down, and said that we had to give the poor child an identity. So I went back to the very first name that I had loved in the very first book. Her name is Sheridan. I might add that we made several nurses unhappy when we swiped our nameless baby and headed home. They were nearly hysterical (well, it seemed that way 🙂 when we said we were leaving the hospital. They told us that we couldn’t. But hey, whose kid was this anyway? I had the battle scars to prove I was the mom. And the rest is history! I’m sure your lovely baby, girl or boy, will have a lovely name and warm welcome to his new family.
    All the best on his arrival! (Just using the generic “his” here :-).
    Lynn Morrissey

  • Sarah Silvester

    We found out the gender for our first 2 kiddos but kept it to ourselves – just me and my husband – or I should say we attempted to. Did pretty well first time around working in an office where no one talked about babies or pregnancy. But second time all I did was sit around talking kid stuff, so my mum guessed as Did my best friend. So when we got pregnant with the third we decided to have a surprise. I found it really hard! I struggled to bond because I didn’t know what it was, so the I tried to be attached to a boy or girl and felt a weird grief as though I lost one once baby was born.
    Ah well. I really hope your next appt tells you straight up! xoxo

  • thatlostgirl

    I love surprises but hate the anticipation of surprises. I mean, I love a surprise party I knew nothing about, but I hate knowing someone has a gift for me and isn’t letting me open it yet. Waiting to find out what the surprise is takes up so much mental space for me that I am incapable of functioning until I know. So I found out the moment I could with all three of my tinies and spent the two weeks prior to the appointments in sheer agony waiting to know. I honestly didn’t care what sex the babies were, I simply wanted the anticipation to end. It’s such a part of my personality that the idea of not finding out is completely foreign to me. I truly am incapable of understanding how someone could find waiting to find out pleasurable!

    With all of that said, I love the spunkiness your new tiny has! There is something about unborn babies doing everything their way and on their timetable that humbles me and my need for control. I know we don’t know each other, but I have followed your journey for quite a while and am thrilled for you and your family! What lovely, grace-giving parents your tinies have!

  • renee

    With our first my husband and I found out the sex ahead of time, second baby I wanted to be surprised but my husband really wanted to know, so he found out and kept it a secret from EVERYONE. Third baby we didn’t find out. I think if I have another I’d like to find out ahead of time again.

  • Monna Clare Payne

    Smart baby! We have done it both ways. I far prefer the surprise. I always feel I’m intruding a bit in their space with an ultrasound.

  • Ha! 🙂

    We found out with all three, but I think surprises are fun too.

  • ReJoycingToday

    We had one of those “name picked out, look at the baby and choose a different name” experiences, too.

    All five of our kids were born at home. No ultrasounds for me. With one exception. When we lived on Guam you could not legally have a midwife for a home birth so I reluctantly went through all the arrangements to deliver in the Navy hospital. This included an ultrasound, so we said “okay, tell us” and then immediately regretted it. (Fourth child, third boy in a row.) I have always felt that if I had discovered his gender after he was born I never would have felt any regret while gazing at his perfect little face. I guess I wasn’t mature enough to manage it before he was born. I would not trade him for the world and feel guilty about my disappointment at the time. (Oh, and in the end my husband delivered him at home.)

  • Tiff

    We found out with both our children. My reason was not in relation to being prepared or planning, nor due to disliking surprises. It was more personal and related to my experience of having people in my life who referred to to their babies in utero as an “it” or a “thing”. For some reason it grated on me because I had this strong value of that baby being a human being, a person, rather than an “it”. Knowing that we were having a girl (both times), prompted us to name our daughters well before their birth. We made sure multiple scans had clearly indicated their gender before we settled on names. It was a truly magical experience to carry a little person and then birth them and have them both respond to their names after birth. I do not regret it and would do it like that again, but only if it was as certain as it was with my first 2.