So I turned my back for about 5 MINUTES this morning.
And in that 5 MINUTES, Anne gave her dolly a bath in Vaseline.
Vaseline.
Oh, and herself. If you think the doll looks gruesome, you should have seen my 2-year-old.
We had ourselves a TIME here this morning.
So in the spirit of “Not Me Mondays” (even though it’s Tuesday?!), started by MckMama, I’d like you to know what did NOT happen this morning….
- My son did NOT have an enormous, noisy blow-out of a poop at the library right during story time.
- My daughter did NOT take off her pants and her panties in the washroom at the library and then proceed to pee STANDING UP because she wanted to “pee like Daddy.” Nope. Because that would imply that I had my back to her while trying to change Joseph’s blow-out diaper and didn’t catch her in time.
- And then I did NOT check her jeans, see that there were only 3-4 spots of pee on them and decide that that was okay and then put them back on her for storytime. Nope. Not me.
- I did NOT leave behind my breast pads on the floor at the library after nursing Joseph because I simply forgot them. Nor did a nice Filipino nanny come up to me and say, haltingly, “Are those your Boob Pads?” while pointing at them on the floor. Not me.
- My daughter did NOT go on a hugging frenzy at the library, trying to hug every kid in sight. Neither did she go up to every kid before hand and say “Hi, Kid!” a la Krusty the Clown before trying to hug them. Nope, not my kid.
- I did NOT put my daughter in time-outs THREE TIMES this morning for disobedience. Nope. She’s perfect and so am I.
- I did NOT catch my daughter in Joseph’s bassinette with him this morning.
- I did NOT make an entire batch of homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch only to eat half a chocolate bar and an apple instead.
- Because my son did not have a complete meltdown over being made to wait for five minutes for his lunch while my daughter, who was playing in the sink while I cooked, then had her own Sympathy Meltdown, ordering me to FEED BABY! And when I didn’t listen to her, then splashed me with the soapy water. Resulting in Time Out #2 out of 3. Not in this house.
- So there is NOT still a half-cooked batch of chicken noodle soup on my stove, waiting to be finished. An hour later.
- I do NOT have a broken washing machine – A WASHING MACHINE! WITH TWO TINIES! ONE OF WHOM IS JUST 3 WEEKS OLD AND ONE THAT IS – SUPPOSEDLY – POTTY TRAINING – nor do I have a broken garburator. Not us.
- I have NOT stopped returning phone calls and emails because I’m just too tired. Nope, not me.
- I am NOT sitting here blogging when I should be cleaning up the kitchen or bathroom. Or calling a repairman AGAIN.
- I did NOT eventually put on an Elmo DVD for Anne on the computer, just to get some peace for at least 20 minutes. Nope. Not this TV abandoner.
- I did NOT fervently wish for a drive-thru Starbucks this morning because I really wanted a coffee. Really. Wanted. A. Coffee. But not badly enough to try to get the two tinies out of the vehicle and into the coffee shop. And then I did not curse Vancouver and it’s stupid environmentalism that resulted in no drive-thrus for me. Because whoever invented drive-thru had SMALL CHILDREN TOO.
And that’s just a small morning sample of what is NOT going on at our house….
This morning, the tinies won this round. I will conquer in the end. But right now, they’re finally both still sleeping. So I’ll live to fight another day…..after naptime.
