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In which I am bowed low

Good gracious.

Joe fell a bit sick yesterday and life is still happening. I woke up in the morning and watched my email load with my eyes bugged out. Then I cried.  And so still catching up on comments, tweets, emails, Facebook shares, messages, and all from this post. Thank you for bearing with me.

Shame is crashing down, and I can hear the thud and the breaking and the release – it is glorious.

But here is the thing: Thank you.

Thank you for getting it, for loving me, for grace, for guts, for honesty, for love. Thank you for doing life with me. Thank you for standing up for Love and grace. Thank you for sharing it, for spreading the word, for trusting me to speak.  Thank you for telling a better story with your own lives: you make me braver.

I don’t quite know where to begin with it all. Yesterday’s post crashed the servers at Deeper Story, it’s travelling far and wide. I will never be able to respond to everyone well.  I’m very thankful for Luke Harms and Preston Yancey’s willingness to step in and moderate comments as well as respond well. I couldn’t and probably won’t be able to do that. (I feel in a way like I said what I needed to say and need to just let it stand.) Also, When in Comments is dedicating the next few days to that post so I’m sure a few of you will get a chuckle out of that.

I was terrified to publish that post. Not because I was ashamed anymore – I’m not – but somehow I knew that this was bigger than me, and I was just along for the ride, privileged and afraid. Now that it’s out there, I feel like dancing. Even the few Pharisees and trolls don’t bother me in the least: they know not what they do.

Here’s something I learned yesterday about doing something scary: it’s hard and holy and impossible and a helluva lot of fun. I loved it. I laughed  when I wasn’t crying, pure joy. I bathed a sick boy, made supper, spelling homework, had my folks over, did laundry, and rejoiced in it all. My word this year is “Light” and I feel like yesterday swung open the doors and windows and the wind swept right in with the noonday.

We’re in it together, and we’re singing a song of freedom and hope and love. I feel like I just stepped right into the river.

Aslan is on the move.

Let’s move with our not-safe-but-so-good God.

 

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  • http://bohemianbowmans.com/ Jessica

    You’re kickass. Just saying.

    • lindsay

      true that.

  • http://www.giraffesandladybugs.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    Aslan IS on the move. AMEN!

  • http://www.soulmunchies.com Crystal Rowe

    I didn’t comment on it yesterday – but I totally loved your post. And I loved you for being so brave about it. I’m always so in awe of how the posts I’m most terrified to post end up being the ones that God uses to really speak to people. It’s one of those things we just aren’t in control of. Thank you for stepping out.

  • http://www.anamcara.com/ Tara M. Owens

    Amen, friend. Amen

  • Vicki Judd

    I read it. I cried. I want to share it with SO many young women and not a few young men who have been wearing a giant S around for far too long. Thank you brave girl.

  • Jen Hatmaker

    You are a star. Shine on, girl. Light indeed.

  • Tara_pohlkottepress

    oh, sarah. my feet just wildly stomped for you all through out the day as more status updates rolled in, and notes of crashing servers and reading the comments. i was just so happy to witness the power of story and the beauty of your voice. but also? because you gave voice to your holy fear over pushing publish. your honesty in both the posting and the writing of it tore off the boundaries for where this will spread. so proud of you!!

  • Sara Harless

    Dear sister, rock on. What a good thing to affirm the grace of Christ and throw off shame!

  • http://www.seeprestonblog.com Preston Yancey

    Love, love, love.

  • http://www.impartinggrace.com/ Richella Parham

    Here’s a tiny grace story, one for which I am so grateful.

    I live under a rock, apparently, and I’d never read any of your writing until yesterday. Yesterday my friend Emily Freeman quoted some of your writing in a post about artists and influencers. From reading that tiny excerpt, I knew that I wanted to read your writing. So I read your cafeteria article and was blessed. Then today I thought again about Emily’s post and went and read all the comments on it. One of those was yours, and that comment included a link to your “damaged goods” post.

    Oh, my word. I got here just in time. I am so grateful not to have missed that post, to have had the opportunity to be part of that conversation, to discover Preston’s writing via the comments.

    Thank you. Wow. Bless you.

  • Kim Sullivan

    I have heard the rumble of what you shared coming…this week I heard grace so echoed by Elizabeth and Emily, but something you offered yesterday seemed watershed. It seemed a shifting, a moving of us, in our little American/Canadian corner of the Church, into a better place. How honored I was to be there in your company and the company of so many of the saints to sense it. I forwarded this to my boss, our youth pastor, who normally gives a modified purity talk to our 250+ youth. It is coming up anew in just days. He read the post and my plea for him to hear it well, how it spoke my heart which I could not well articulate, a heart which dogged me to find better words and better grace to share with our kids about sexuality and relationships. He agreed it is time to speak more excellent words and share more grace-filled thoughts and to find genius and eloquent allegories to share such with our young believers and would be believers alike. It may seem a small victory, that one less retelling will happen, but my children and the children I love most in this world are going to get a better story of the sanctity of their lives and your helped that to be so.

    Thank you.

  • Jillrosalie

    Jesus and His amazing grace is shining through you, Sarah!

  • http://twitter.com/ChristieEsau Christie Esau

    As everyone else is saying (all the time), thank you for your bravery and your authenticity. Way to swing open those doors, and let ALL the light in. And, of course, again: that post. Goodness. What a blessing to me and the women of my church!

  • http://www.girlwithblog.com/ Anna R

    Yes he is! The Lion is moving indeed, and has used you to show many =)

  • https://sites.google.com/site/holyhugs/ Jim Fisher

    What a pleasure it is to be on this journey with you, Pharisees, trolls, and all. You are the perfect (and chosen!) voice at the perfect time to be bringing your light into all this darkness. Eshet Chayil !!!

  • Marybeth Thielke

    I stood up in front of my MOPS group a month ago and told them I gave away my virginity to a guy in {Bible}college who didn’t matter to me; It was the first time I realized I actually needed a savior. I don’t think I’m damaged goods. NO sin is too big for God. Not pre-marital sex. Not pornography. Not masturbation. Not prostitution. NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD. Amen and amen!! Thank you for stepping up and being brave. xo

  • http://www.creeksideministries.blogspot.com/ Linda Stoll

    And then I shared your much-needed-to-be-heard story with the women {and men} in my world

    http://creeksideministries.blogspot.com/2013/01/he-said-she-was-damaged-goods.html

  • liz

    Amen, sister!! Im overjoyed to march through these gates alongside such stories of reclaiming our wholeness!!

  • Jennifer

    i know that i don’t know you in person, but i love you sister! i declare you to be a woman of valor indeed! Eshet chayil!

  • http://www.coffeestainedclarity.com Bethany Bassett

    Yes, and yes! I love yesterday’s post, and I love this one as well. Virtual fist-bumping all over the place here!

  • http://www.thecrookedmouth.com Anderson Campbell

    It is an excellent post, one with which many resonate. Further up and deeper in…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tara-Porter-Livesay/669810602 Tara Porter-Livesay

    Kenbe fo pa lage, zanmi’m (hold strong – don’t let go, my friend)

  • http://www.adamshome.blogspot.com Erin Adams

    God is at work!
    When in Comments is hilarious. This one – (http://whenincomments.tumblr.com/post/41818003963/when-someone-starts-a-comment-by-telling-you-how-much)
    (I hope Joe gets well! We’ve had a virus that we are having a hard time getting rid of, too.)

  • http://twitter.com/cait_does_life cait mac pen

    Fearless and full of light! A thousand AMENS!

  • suzanne

    woman of valor!

  • Rachel

    Good for you. Thank you for being vulnerable.

  • Rachel

    Good for you. Thank you for being vulnerable.

  • jademichele

    Well said !! No one is “damaged” in our Lord’s eyes :)

  • Judy

    Well, if a previous commenter, Richella, lives under a rock and just found you, I guess I live near her….and so, so thankful to have found you. I’m probably old enough to be your momma, so I will just say, atta girl, well done. And, I could just imagine God laughing when that server crashed, just sayin…

  • Belinda Burston

    Congratulations on winning first place in the Canadian Weblog Awards Sarah! I’m so glad to have discovered your blog through that win!

  • http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/ Grace at {Gabbing with Grace}

    seems just a taste of what’s to come when yuor boook makes ripples! can’t wait to see what God has in store in Lion-y goodness. =)

  • http://twitter.com/Vaderalman Mark Allman

    Aslan is on the move and He put you on the front line and you rocked it!

  • Carolyn

    Thank you Sarah. I have regrets about my past and it’s so good to be reminded that there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. I really like the mountain water imagery. Bless you for being brave, you are a blessing!