In which I am gratefully, disillusioned

Dear Pastor, leader, dear teacher, dear friend:
Do you remember how I used to call you the “Man of God?” I grew up believing that you  were better than us because you spent hours and hours in study and prayer and reflection on The Things of God. You were my example in all things, the zenith of spirituality. I thought that you spoke for God and your answers were more important than my questions. I thought that pastors or leaders had to have their homes completely in order, be too holy for the rest of the stuff we all dealt with today. I revered your marriage and analyzed your parenting, holding you to impossible standards. Somehow, I thought – maybe because you taught me this, long ago, who remembers anymore? – that you were the Shepherd and I was the smelly, dumb, yet beloved sheep.
Then the years began to unfold and one by one by one, those ideas I had about you? All dismantled. At first it hurt. You can understand why that is, maybe, to someone like me, why it was hard on me when you tumbled off of the pedestal I lovingly kept propped up for so many years. I’m pretty embarrassed that I cried as hard as I did, that I judged you as harshly as I did, for your tragic displays of our shared humanity, because weren’t you supposed to be better than me, better than us all?
At first, I was disillusioned.
Now? I’m grateful to be so.
Read the rest at Deeper Story. I’ll meet you over there….

post signature

blogging, church, emerging church, faith, writing
No comments yet.

Leave a Reply