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In which I am learning to stop trying harder to be nicer

It’s always read at weddings.
And funerals.
And written with calligraphy
in frames on walls.

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.



And
we begin to think that
we could do better at this,
this thing of loving.
It’s a laundry list of things to do.

And when I look at it and
see how far I fall short,
well, the guilt can be
suffocating.


But what if it’s not a list
of what I should be doing?

What if, instead,
it’s who God already is?

Even in me.

God is Love.
So
Love is God.
It’s not something he does
once in a while,
most of the time.
It just is.
He simply is
“I AM.”

…protecting…trusting…hoping…persevering…
…never failing…

I yearn to love like this.

But it isn’t a quota to fulfill.

It’s not a source of guilt.
or a measuring stick of
my failures,
how far I have to go.

It’s a relief.
An exhale, at last.

Stop holding your breath,
daughters and sons.

Because it’s not on you.
And it’s not on me.

He lives in me.
In Him, I live and move and
have my being.
And in me, we have Love.

I am living out
what He has already
worked in.

So my measure of loving like Jesus
is simply this:
Is my heart,
Is my life,
full engaged with Him?

Because then,
I am not a vessel to be used,
or a wall to be brought down,
or a stubborn woman
just trying
harder
to be nicer.

Instead, in that surrender,
in the grace of His beautiful
Father-Motherhood,
I am a living stream,
an imperfect but open
expression
of His love,
the hands and feet
of this Love.

Let it not be that
people felt loved that way
by me,
alone.
Because I tried
very very hard
not to be proud.
And disciplined myself
to be kind.

Let it be that they
feel that love -
that overwhelming force
of a tree caught in a hurricane,
and yet,
cradled gently
by a tender Papa –

through

even
me.



holy experience

Every Wednesday, we Walk with Him, posting a spiritual practice that draws us nearer to His heart. This week, our topic was “Loving Like Jesus.”


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faith, jesus, love, poetry, walk with him wednesday
  • http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/ Hillary

    This is so beautiful. Thank you for this perspective. I will carry it tenderly.

  • http://www.edcyzewski.com/ Ed_Cyzewski

    Great title, great post…
    In which you totally sucked me in and blessed me.

  • http://been-couraged.blogspot.com/ Karen

    Well put. I’m tired of trying. Just want to be a sap-sucker in the vine of which He is the one who produces the fruit. I don’t even need to think or command “Fruit, Grow!!” It just does, cuz I’m in Him and He’s in me.

  • Brittaney

    This is one of the most beautiful things you have written. It almost had me in tears. Love it and love you!

  • Angie Neal

    So beautiful and insightful. And freeing!