I prefer to think of my spirituality as a journey as opposed to a cookie-cutter destination. I have always drawn a lot of comfort out of the fact that the early church described our faith as “The Way”….meaning you’re on the move and journeying towards.
Lately, I have been feeling very thoughtful about my journey. I can see how certain decisions lead to other decisions which lead to other decisions. Epoch to epoch, epiphany to epiphany, mundane dailyness to glory and back again. Most of us live our lives like this, right? (Surely, I’m not the only one!) Of course, I believe a lot of those seemingly minor and insignificant things are actually the leading of the Holy Spirit….
So now I find I am at a new crossroads. I’ve just given birth to my second child. We are nearing the end of Brian’s seminary work. And before anything major changes, I find that I am tracing backwards through all of the seemingly minor (at the time anyway) changes we have experienced over the past few years.
And I am feeling the nudging of the Holy Spirit onwards again. I am feeling once again the need to purge, reevaluate and simplify my life, ensuring that the way we live our lives gives glory to God above all else.
One thing that has changed in our lives in the past three years is that we are learning to embrace a simpler way of life.
We made very good money in our previous life. We bought a house when we were just 23(!). We had three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a yard. We had two vehicles. We went out to eat almost four times a week if not more. We saved money. We spent a lot of money. We felt important. We felt official. We were busy busy busy and felt good good good about it. We went through seasons where we were overprogrammed and underspiritual. Then through other seasons where we almost couldn’t catch our breath because of the wonder of God in our life.
Then …. we stepped out of the boat, eyes fixed on Jesus, to walk on water. Occasionally, we’ve marched on the water with great faith. Other times, we’ve been almost up to our eyes in doubt, sinking, calling out for a rescue.
But we are still out of the boat. I am still on the water.
We haven’t clamoured back in yet, telling Jesus “Sorry, you’ll have to find someone else. This life is too adventurous for us!”
This new way of life started off as a lot of fun. We sold and packed up our house. We moved out of the country. We moved to city life. We didn’t have a dishwasher – weren’t we having fun!? We reduced our income to one. We reduced ourselves to one vehicle. We weren’t in “official full-time vocational pastoral ministry”. We suddenly weren’t that busy. We suddenly didn’t have a lot of friends.
We suddenly felt rather on our own. And rather broke. And rather far away from the excitement of starting out.
We felt rather like we were in the Saskatchewan part of the journey – nothing for miles between what was and what will be, out on the prairie by yourself.
It wasn’t that glamourous all of a sudden.
Everything has been up for review. Sometimes I’ve felt like throwing my hands up in the air and yelling, “Are we done YET?!”
Nope. Not done til you’re dead, sister.
Everything from where we live to what we drive to how we treat the earth to how we think to how we feel to whether or not I wear a mask. It’s included what I buy (and if). My money, my church, our future, how I spent my lunch break when I was still working, what I saw in the world around me, my relationships, my children, my home, my marriage….everything has needed Jesus. Evidently even my television viewing (and here).
I remember hearing an illustration once that has summed up my life for the past 4-5 years. It’s like if you want Jesus to remodel your kitchen. You have all of your plans and budget ready for when he shows up. And then he walks in and says “Great! Thanks for inviting me to a renovation. Let’s get started.” And then he marches right to your bathroom and starts ripping out tiles. Then it’s on to the kitchen, your bedrooms, your living room, your yard. At first, you’re sputtering and protesting “Hey! That’s not what I wanted!” and then you start to see the vision of what is to come and you relax. After all it’s Jesus. You can trust him. When he’s finished, your entire house has been overhauled and it’s beautiful.
I thought I knew what I was in for. But this relationship with God has had far more than I would have expected. Not all of it wonderful. A few walls needed knocking down and those hurt. But my, what a view we have now!
So I’m feeling thankful. So overwhelmingly thankful for the journey.
And I am feeling like we’re nearing another “epoch” or two up ahead so I’m chronicling, praying and resting for just a minute more before we take another step. Stay tuned for more as I go forward….
