if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy:
Join me in spreading the news;
together let’s get the word out.
God met me more than halfway,
he freed me from my anxious fears.
Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
Never hide your feelings from him.
When I was desperate, I called out,
and God got me out of a tight spot.
God‘s angel sets up a circle
of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him. Psalm 34 (The Message)
Depression is exhausting. I haven’t felt quite that heavy of a cloud over myself for more than a year. It’s paralyzing, isn’t it? It feels like a thick mire, all around your ankles, weighing down your mind and heart. Even though you “know” better, at the time, any lie or suggestion of the enemy seems totally valid.
But here’s the good news (or as we like to say, “I got a testi-MONY on JESUS! *waves hankie*)….God is faithful. And sometimes, when we are not strong enough to pull ourselves up, God will send people to haul you back up, pray over you, support you, make you laugh, remind you of who you really are and generally make you feel so loved and safe that the clouds part for long enough for you to get a glimpse of Jesus again.
And then…oh, my….how beautiful He is! How can my joy not return when my eyes and heart are fixed on Him?
I reached out to a couple of trusted friends and received such wise counsel and prayers and understanding. “You, too? Me, too!” is good for the soul.
I reached out to my mum who pulled some work off my plate and listened to me sob on the phone for three days in a row.
I reached out to my husband who laid hands on me and prayed over and for me. And then did three loads of laundry and vacuumed the house. And then rubbed my back.
I reached out to my sister and her husband. And we talked, heart-to-heart about stuff that’s been bugging me while her husband looked after Anne for over two hours without an eye-roll or word of complaint.
And my Dad reached out to me, getting the car and driving over to my house in the middle of the day. Just to eat soup with me, listen to me howl, give me encouragement and counsel and then he sat me on the couch and prayed the roof off this place.
All that to say, I feel much better. I don’t feel that different physically but emotionally and spiritually, it’s like night and day. Even with the communication issues, the isolation, the exhaustion etc….how silly to let those things exalt themselves over God. I’ve spent a lot of time today in the Psalms, gaining comfort, gulping down scripture like a thirsty woman who finally found the Well of Bethlehem.
It’s funny to me how I can be stable and strong and responsible and “there” for everyone else but taking the time to be gentle with myself is so hard. Somehow I can develop the expectation that I’m not allowed to have bad days or struggles or even take the time to really heal from them. Like somehow I’ve arrived?
Whatever.
I need Jesus so much, every moment.
Things like this – weeks like this – remind me to turn my eyes on Jesus, to “look full on his wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.”
