My friends, I apologise for my post yesterday. I feel like it didn’t communicate my overall heart very well; it was smug, judgemental and a bit holier-than-thou. It bugged me all day long – I knew what i wanted to say but I knew I hadn’t said it well – but then I couldn’t sleep last night for feeling like I’d somehow written something that might bring you sorrow or shame and it was everything in me to stay in bed at 2 o’clock instead of coming here to write you this note. So now it’s the more respectable 6AM and since Ever is up, I can finally do what I should have done yesterday.
I never meant to cause you hurt. I never meant to act like I have it all figured out because, trust me, I am well aware of how much I have to learn. I write quickly; 20 minutes, 45 tops, when an idea hits. I just bang it out, publish it and walk away. That one yesterday could have used a few days to sit and simmer because I would have seen what a few of you might feel by reading it. Yes, I do believe – and have experienced – that marriage can make you both happy and holy but for some reason, my way of writing it out yesterday just seemed self-serving. Because I also believe in marriage counselling, in fighting for your relationship, in sticking with it when it hurts, in praying and standing and defending each other. The marriages that have weathered massive storms deserve honour and praise and celebration – I honour you, truly, but you wouldn’t know that from what I wrote. Brian and I have been married for nearly 11 years, together for 13, and there is still a lot of life left for us ahead, a lot of unknowns, and I hesitate to give advice; I like to tell stories instead. But instead of yesterday’s being a story that built up, that makes us think about what is good, true, honourable, it was the story equivalent of “nanny-nanny-boo-boo” to every that doesn’t do it or feel it or experience it the way that I do.
I won’t delete it because I feel like that is dishonest but I will edit it to include a link to this apology.
Please accept my apology. I’ll try to do better next time. I am sorry.