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In which I attempt to Lend a Hand to the Brownies

Dear Girl Guides of Canada:

I used to be a Brownie.

(Please note that this is not me. It is my little sister and my granny. But it made me laugh and it’s about the age that we were when we WERE Brownies. So I threw it in. And Mandy hardly ever reads my blog so she’ll never know.)
When we lived in Regina, I wore my polyester brown uniform very proudly as I walked across the frozen playground to Mable Brown Elementary (which, by the way, was torn down and replaced by a field of condominiums. And that depresses me immensely.). But my favourite part was not the brown uniform or singing “God Save the Queen“, the laughter with other girls or even springing up to shriek “Ta-wit-ta-wit-ta-wooooo!” (By the way, what the heck was that about anyway?)
I loved earning badges.
I had a sash and my mother sewed on each badge as I earned it. I had my Agility badge (surprisingly) and, of course, my Booklover and Writer Badges. I earned one for Baking as a result of a lopsided cake with my mother and Traditions for some obscure Brownie-type theatrics and the Gardener one by helping my Granny in her dirt now and again.
I loved the badges because they clearly demonstrated my greatness, my prowess, my knowledge and skills to anyone that caught sight of me, headed to Mable Brown’s circular gymnasium across the snow with my badge sash proudly displayed ON TOP of my pink snow suit.
Now I’m 30.
I’m a mother.
In the interest of upholding the Brownie motto to Lend a Hand, I have a suggestion.
I recommend that we create a Brownie sash for mothers. Because motherhood has earned me some serious badges.
We could have badges such as:
  • Baking a Homemade Cake From Scratch for a Birthday Party Badge.
  • Cleaning Up Bodily Fluids – Not Just Your Own Either – Badge.
  • Giving Birth Badge.
  • Cooking Supper While Nearly Killing Yourself By Slipping On The Tupperware That Is Scattered On The Floor In An Effort To Keep The Baby Busy Badge.
  • Grocery Shopping With A Toddler And A Baby Badge.
  • Breastfeeding Even After Your Nipple Gets Bitten Badge.
  • Dropping Your Baby Off At Daycare Badge.
  • Getting Children Up, Fed And Dressed Before 8 o’clock In The Morning Badge.
  • Orchestrating Simultaneous Naptime Badge.
  • Reading “The Little Engine That Could” 60 times In A Row Badge.
  • Soothing Badge.
  • Sweet Snuggles Badge.
  • Protecting The Innocent Heart Of A Child Badge.
  • Taking A Toddler To The Potty In A Public Gas Station Bathroom While Holding The Baby At The Same Time Badge.
  • Walking A Line In The Carpet Badge.
  • Calming A Sobbing Baby Badge.
  • Taking Your First Crap After Giving Birth Badge.
  • Able To Go On Broken Sleep For Years On End Badge.
  • Navigating Chuck E. Cheese Badge.
  • Weeping With Love Over Your Babies Badge.
  • Sneaking In Just To Watch Them Sleep Badge.
  • Wanting To Smack That Mean Kid At The Playground Badge.
I’m sure we could come up with quite a few. (hint, hint in the comments….)
It would do a great public service.
Maybe then people will stop asking what it is, exactly, that mothers do all day long.
Sincerely,

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humour, parenting

9 Responses to In which I attempt to Lend a Hand to the Brownies

  1. Angie Neal August 17, 2009 at 11:48 am #

    Love it! These are so great. So here's mine: Being that woman in Target with the screaming kid badge!

  2. *nnie August 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm #

    Cheering your baby on as she learns new things and grows, while at the same time telling her to stop growing up so fast badge.

  3. Sarah August 17, 2009 at 3:39 pm #

    Just got another couple:

    The Showering While Little People Grip the Edge of the Bathtub and Howl at You Badge.

    The Peeing With An Audience Badge.

  4. beth August 17, 2009 at 4:32 pm #

    Dropping off your baby girl at Kindergarten (aka giving her over to the wolves)

    Leaving her there with her teacher even if she is crying while holding in your own tears

  5. Caz August 17, 2009 at 4:44 pm #

    Admiring Your Child's Magic Marker Masterpiece Which was Created on your Livingroom Wall Badge.

  6. jill rosalie August 17, 2009 at 8:23 pm #

    Dropping off your 4 year old at nursery school, while your 2 year old trantrums and runs amuk destroying the classroom badge.

    There's the badge for surviving a 3 year old run away that you need police help to find.

    And the badge for pulling your shopping weit child out of a big mud puddle right before church starts.

  7. jill rosalie August 17, 2009 at 8:25 pm #

    I meant "sopping" …. sheesh …

  8. Anonymous August 18, 2009 at 3:43 pm #

    I want a Finger-sweeping a dog tick out of your 2 year old's mouth Badge……Q.'

  9. Mandy August 20, 2009 at 9:53 pm #

    That's not true! I always read your blog…every single post. Honestly. I love your blog!

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