In which I can have it all – just not all at once.

May 3, 2008

My mother gave me that very wise bit of advice years ago: “You can have it all – just not all at once.”

I’ve been battling so much lately with our “next steps”. I have been so inspired and challenged to make my life count. To do the things that no one else will do. To take the path less travelled. To work with the unloved and marginalized of our society. To live a life counter to the “middle class dream”. I love living in the city in an urban neighbourhood. I love diversity, both in race, language and socioeconomics. I love people completely different from me. I am tired of being one or two steps removed from the needs. Tired of being the one that writes the cheque. I want my stability and security to be in Christ alone. I want a non-traditional, counter-cultural life. I want to travel.

But.

I also want my kids to have safety and security. I want a spare room. I want a play area. I want our kids to have a yard. I want that icon of stability – a deep freeze. I want my kids to go to school with their cousins or at the very least, to church together. I want that when they run away from us that they try to ride their bike to Auntie’s house because “at least there, they love me!” I want a good school with a french immersion program. I want a safe playground that doesn’t have needles or condoms littered around. I want a garden. I want to stay home with my kids. I want to be the mum on the block that is at hot dog day and helps with Brownies. I want everything that I had as a kid for my kids. I want to find Jesus in the suburbs. I want to be able to live missionally no matter where I am.

So these things have been brewing for years as Brian nears finishing school. Here we are, almost at the end of this season. And I’ve been so conflicted about our next step. If it was just me and Bri, it’d be easy for me to be a crazy radical. But now with our two kids, I crave another kind of life.

I figure, based on my grandparents, I’ll live to about 80 if not longer. So that means I have another 50 years. I know that we all have been told “carpe diem” and “live every day like it’s your last” but I wonder if that’s Godly. I wonder if I am just starting to recognise the start of a new season in my life. My season as a young mum, first and foremost. If I have 50 years ahead of me still, but only a few years of that are with small children, I think I’d rather make them the priority. I think I’d rather have these precious few years with them and then be a crazy radical.

I am trying to recognise that the values matter, no matter where you are. Sometimes those are lived out in a different context.

It’s hard because we both grew up in churches and traditions that really valued the hero. So it’s hard not to be drawn to the heroic. But it’s very important that we are obedient first.

Can you be a radical with a deep freeze?

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  • Sarah

    Comments (5)
    Yes. I am 46, live in a house in a neighborhood with good schools, and I have two refrigerators.Yet I feel that I live a radical life. Missional living is a question of the heart, not the circumstance.

    We live our lives for people from other countries. This has been a source of great joy for us. We have often told our daughter that we don't have much in material goods but we are rich in relationships. That is really what counts.

    Now we are moving to a distant land with our teenager.. It will change us and stress us to the core. We will be the foreigners, the ones who need help understanding the language and culture.

    For me, it's a question of living humbly before the Lord. It doesn't have to "look" a certain way or be in a particular community.
    5/3/2008 7:22 PM Laoshi (message) block delete reply I know what you mean. Our possible transition ahead would be easy without the kids, the kids have been my hang up whenever we've talked about transition before. Add kids to the mix, and it just feels complicated.

    "Can you be a radical with a deep freeze?" — you're so cute! Of course you can! You'll find (or be shown) a way!

    You know, I have some very similar desires, I love being in a bigger city, I love being around lots of different types of people, I love that I go through the inner city to get to my job …. and I'm going to miss a lot of things about my old house my neighborhood the archecture in this old city …. a million things and I used to think I'd miss things about the role I've had as a PW … but I just keep coming back to the fact that there are people everywhere who need the love of Christ, and really that's the core of the "radicalness" for me. I can grow in His love and exude His love no matter where I am. I also sort of think that God provides radical opportunities …. I'm sort of sensing that He's giving us a possible radical opportunity even with selling our house …. we'll see what happens.
    5/3/2008 8:46 PM Tasia007 (message) block delete reply Thanks, girls. That confirms a lot for me.
    5/3/2008 8:53 PM EmergingMummy (message) delete reply Homeschooling moms can be radical! And not in the, "I'm keeping my kids away from the bad kids." kinda way. But in the pouring all of the love of Christ that I have into my children. We only have a short time to train them, to show them what it looks like to love God. Even if we do all of the wonderful things that God has called us to do, and fail to bring our children a long with us, what have we really done at all? You being radical where you are will rub off on your children. I believe it will show your children that they can be world changers in their little worlds no matter if they are at school or playing in the backyard with friends!
    5/4/2008 3:42 PM scgonzales (message) block delete reply I agree with the comments above. I understand the desire to be radical and to live out your faith in a non-traditional environment. We lived in the worst corner in Iowa…an after hours bar, a strip joint and adult bookstore on the three corners on our block. God moved us here when my son was 4. It was a great place to be for a short period of time. But not a great place for raising kids.

    It's all in what God is calling you to vs what we think we want to do. God may have something very powerful for you in the burbs. God is just as much present there as he is in the city. It's not a lesser calling to live a period of your life in the burbs. Who knows what treasures await you there?
    5/5/2008 1:23 PM Venicestar (message) block delete reply