For those of you that know me and even know Brian, we’re having a bit of role reversal right now. I am usually the Planner and he is The Spontaneous. I am the one that works in “regular office jobs” while he gets the shakes if he has to wear a pair of closed-toe shoes. I am the one that manages our finances and “life” while he dreams the big dreams of what it all means. He is the Risk Taker and I am the one with two feet on the ground. He is the Play First and Work Later while I am the other way around. He is the Idealist while I am the Realist. So far, this has worked for us.
And now Brian wants to join a denomination and pastor an established church.
And I want to screw it all, start an independent community of fellow believers and just do church ourselves.
Isn’t this going to be a fun journey? 
Here’s the thing: I really like that I don’t belong to a denomination.
I love being a bit on the margins, a bit out of the box. I even like the occasional “cafeteria style” of my belief system – meaning that I pick and choose things I like from various traditions and denominations like the practices of Anglicanism, the beliefs about healing and the work of the Spirit from charismatics (heck, most of my theology is of this strain), the social justice of the Catholics and so on. I don’t know if it’s the postmodern in me that eschews labels and boxes and limits but I love my freedom. I think that’s part of the reason why I’ve found a bit of a squatting spot with the Emerging Church – no denomination, lots of conversations and no one acts like they have the first clue what’s really supposed to be going on.
My sister and I were christened in the Presbyterian church as babies; that is also where my parents first became Christians. However, very early in their journey, a charismatic/non-denom pastor moved in next door and, with the blessing of their Presbyterian church(!), they decided to enter the unchartered waters of belong to a “Christian Centre”. We’ve been non-denom ever since. It used to bother me. People would ask “What are you?” and I’d shrug and say “Just a Christian”. They hadn’t heard of my church most of the time nor did they have the slightest clue what I believed. As I grew older, I came to relish that. 
”Christian” has enough connotation on it; attaching a denomination to me would just put me in a narrower box. Brian also grew up in a similar fashion (Presbyterian leading to a non-denom) so our stories are similar. He was more in another area of non-denomism that was heavy into charismatic gifts whereas I was raised more Word of Faith. But its a similar story. I’ve seen how drawn people my age are to our “non-denominationalism”. They either have no background with Christianity or a bad taste in their mouth from their own journey or through what they see in politics etc. So they like and are drawn to us, because of our very “otherness” and our “outsider” status. Almost like we get it – we love Jesus but some of that church stuff freaks us out too.
So now here we are at a crossroads. Brian and I are preparing for our next step. We started out this phase of our life with the express purpose of church planting or starting a new church at the conclusion of seminary. We always assumed it would be how it’s always been: gather a group of like-minded people and just get started together. But lately it’s come out that maybe we need to consider joining a denomination. 
We have grown to develop a deeper understanding of community. We aren’t convinced that church planting is in our immediate future (still feels like it’s there but maybe not right now). We think we still have a lot to learn. We think we need a mentor. We think that, if we did plant, we’d want a “parent church” situation. Basically, we’ve come to reject the lone-ranger-hero-complex that is common to our background. We have come to value the idea of being a part of a larger group, of part of a family.
Brian has met several people in a couple of different denominations that are interested in talking to us about pastoring again. So now that he’s winding down with school, those talks are starting to develop legs. He’s submitted resumes. Our phone is ringing and messages are being left by people with titles like “District Supervisor”.
I’m scared to death about all of it.
I don’t want to join a denomination.
There, I said it. I like our independence. I like our lone-rangerness. I like our hero complex. I really like the freedom of no labels.
Don’t get me wrong: In my head (in my rare moments of rationality) I totally get it. I see why it’s good and godly and necessary. I know that we need oversight. I know that there is a lot of good and godly people there. I know that doctrine and checks-and-balances are great. I know that systems and work has already been done. I know that we have so much to learn. I know that we are young. I know I know I know. I have hundreds of friends and family members that belong to denominations: they are godly people with freedom and intelligence, insight and irony. They have shown me the error of my stereotypes and shown me the truth that God’s people are everywhere (even the United Church! Fancy that! *faint*).
But in my heart, I just get the willies when I think of it. Here’s an analogy: I grew up in the prairies of Saskatchewan and Alberta, accustomed to big sky, sweeping winds and a long road out. I was used to SPACE in my life. So when I went on an island, I felt claustrophobic and trapped, suffocated and surrounded. Sidenote: I watch those real estate shows about people that own their own island and I think: “They can have it.” That’s kind of how I feel when I think about actually joining a denomination…it’s like a turtleneck that’s too tight for me.
There are a lot of really good questions to ask about Church (big C). I feel an odd mix of hopefulness and disillusionment regarding it. But the big question I have right now is this: Is it better in the centre or in the margins? If the centre is the “denominational” world of well established doctrines and boards and systems, I’m drawn to the margins. Maybe it’s because of my Word of Faith/Charismatic self backgound that was always left out in the back alley by the mainline denominations but I distrust too much authority, too much ecumenical “Because I said so”, too much centralised authority. I have a sneaking suspicion that when it comes to church, I embrace the socialist NDP model. It’s the credit union girl in me coming out, the prairie outsider that hates Toronto’s suits.
