Warning: file_get_contents(http://feeds.delicious.com/v2/json/urlinfo/data?url=http%3A%2F%2Fsarahbessey.com%2Fin-which-i-return-with-summary-of%2F) [function.file-get-contents]: failed to open stream: HTTP request failed! HTTP/1.1 502 Bad Gateway in /home/sbessey/public_html/wp-content/plugins/digg-digg/include/dd-class.php on line 1726
Well, I’ve had a good night’s sleep and gotten reacquainted with those that love me best so feel prepared to write about my conference (read: before I forget the best bits).
The conference was called “Festival of Faith and Writing” and it was held at Calvin College in Michigan. As an aside, I never in my life have seen so many big box stores, one after another, with stadium sized parking lots each. I drove for twenty minutes down one road and then down another and all that I saw was Toys R Us, Target, Ethan Allen, Costco, Walmart, Barnes and Noble, DSW, Old Navy, interspersed with the Applebees, Bennigans, Chilis, Olive Gardens and Dennys…well, you get the idea! 
I couldn’t get over it. I asked around a few times for a park or a walkway or even just a tree but was informed that I could “go shopping” as that’s what was done for fun.
So I shopped! ROFL Actually, I didn’t shop much. Being five months pregnant doesn’t lend itself to good times whilst shopping. But I did hit up my one weakness – Target – to buy summer clothes for Anne. Just can’t beat it for reasonable kids clothes; four dollars for a t-shirt or pair of shorts! And of course, I spent quite a bit of time at B&N as well.
Anyway, I had poor travel days. We had vouchers from AA as a result of devilish experience last Christmas and summer with them on our trips to Omaha. So I had to fly from Vancouver to Dallas and then all the way back up to Michigan. Each time, I was stuck in Dallas for almost an entire day. So that’s a little tiring but manageable.
You can read more about the festival here, if you like, to see the full speaker list and conference topics. It was so busy! I had highlighted several talks/sessions for each day and then had to make the tough decision about what to actually attend. I tried to have a good mix between the more esoteric sessions (the why) and the practical (the how). I learned so much and really just soaked it all up.
It was a rather hard mix of encouragement and discouragement, often drifting over the line to one or the other. I often felt like it was ridiculous for me to be there. I felt so…green and like a bit of a wannabe. I also felt like my talent couldn’t really compare to these wise people. And even if it did, there was a lot of discouragement around the whole “so you wrote a book, now what?” aspect; meaning, the likelihood of actually getting published. But then there was also a lot of encouragement.
I have often doubted myself as a writer because, even though I know I have a small bit of talent in that area and have always wanted to be a writer, it hasn’t always come easily. And I don’t have a lot of time to write or even if there is time, the mental space or energy to do it well. I think I always thought that writers were just this other “class” of people, always writing, always brilliant. That somehow it was easier for them, ergo, if I was supposed to be a writer, then if should be easier for me.
I think that this is what my big revelation is: everyone feels that way. There are very few people with the raw genius to just write and be brilliant with ease. Almost everyone there – authors, agents, editors, publishers, poets – all abhor the process of writing. They think it’s difficult and impossible, akin to being in labour for years. Basically, that was very freeing for me. I liken it to a hockey player. There are a lot of guys that love hockey and love to play. They learn about it, they watch it, they play in a beer league every Saturday night. They know enough about it to have a good time. That’s kind of where I’ve been with writing – dabbling with it, playing there, loving it. But then there are the guys that decide that this is it, they’re going to the NHL. So they get up every day at 5 to do drills, they hone everything about their talent until it’s risen above anyone else, they practice and practice and practice, making what was good into something outstanding. And that’s where I need to go before I’ll get there. I need to give writing the kind of attention that one gives a big goal, time and love to the craft of writing. There were a lot of authors that told stories of how they finally decided to take a year or two off from their life and just write full-time. Then, if in two years, they didn’t have anything, they would just go back to their real life. But in those two years, they wrote and wrote and rewrote and rewrote, studied and agonized, basically treating their writing not as a hobby but as a full-time job. One guy even taught an entire seminar on why it took him about 18 years to really write his novel as he’d take time for it and then set it aside in despair, just to return a year later and try again, over and over again. It sounds kind of discouraging maybe but it was actually really encouraging to me. i feel like I have the raw talent but I would need to have that kind of discipline and work to make it actually be something worthwhile. It’s like someone with a real musical ability – they still practice and work at it. One author lamented how few people are willing to really work at the craft of writing, telling stories about Hemingway or O’Connor writing sentences dozens of times until it was perfect.
I also was comforted to hear that, until you’ve rewritten it at least 8 times, they don’t even want to see it. I learned about writing book proposals, building a platform, writing books, being true to your central ideas. That’s the more “how” stuff. I also attended a lot of sessions about “the why” or “way” of it as well. My favourite session was one of Writing Towards Social Justice – it was so inspiring and beautiful. I could have listened to this panel of authors for another hour.
I think the biggest revelation I had though is that I don’t just want to write good stories. I want to write good stories that draw people close to God. I want to write about redemption and forgiveness, grace and faith, love and justice. I don’t really have a draw to much non-fiction (and that includes the essays and crap I do a bit of on here), but the power of stories really captivate me.
I have had about 3 ideas stewing for a good while now. I did a lot of praying and outlining about them while there. I also had another new idea that I”m interested in pursuing. I guess I don’t really know how it will come together. But I’m seeing the connection even between these new revelations and our decision to get rid of our TV as hopefully that will create even more margin and space for the work required.
I went to a really good concert on Thursday – Derek Webb and Caedmon’s Call. Honestly, Derek Webb is probably my favourite artist. It’s like listening to a prophet or a poet when he sings. He’s really little which can be kind of disconcerting at first but he seems to grow when he sings. I love every one of his songs but it’s nice when you’re at the show because he does an opener or intro for the song and the why or the how of it which I always enjoy. Plus he’s really dry and funny. He did a show opener, full-set, and then joined Caedmons for a reunion and they rocked it out for another two hours. It wound up being almost three and a half hours of straight music, certainly your money’s worth.
I also missed my family terribly. I don’t know that I’ll do something like this again all by myself. I met a few people and chatted a lot but it was still very lonely. I used to like to travel by myself a lot more. I guess that was before ten years of Brian and now Anne. I’d rather be home with them or have them with me. I think one of the best conferences we ever went to was one we attended together as we could talk it all over, go out for lunches, learn and debate and enjoy the experience together. I just wanted someone to share the experience with. I was really lonely on Saturday night so actually went and got my hair cut. I just wanted a trim as its been getting rather dodgy lately with big hanks of hair hanging. I have wavy hair that is very thick and coarse so when it gets too long, the waves are straight on top and then fall to curls, like a bad perm growing out. So I needed it thinned out considerably again and then trimmed so the bounce would return. And while there, the two little girls were a bit bored and we got to chatting. They convinced me to try something new with highlights and it’s something alright. They did triangles of bright copper and fire engine red along the top of my head. It’s very edgy and different but, after a couple of days, I’ve become used to it and actually like it. It’s a bit more “me” that just blonde highlights or plain red hair. So I might keep it up.
Anyway, I’m very happy to be home. Now i have to go catch up on everything! Back to work tomorrow…back to the “real life” stuff.
