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In which there is joy in enough (again)

He’s on my side of the bed and I’m on his,
my ratty old t-shirt bearing the legend ORU Freshman Council
is a castoff from my politically-minded sister more than 10 years ago
(because I was not the one in student government, oh, no,
I was just the one making out with the VP of Student Services in his office after hours).
Between us is the smallest babe of that former-VP-of-Student-Services,
and she is content and clean, bathed -
oh, that clean baby smell in the downy hair and, gracious,
footie jammies and seriously, look at her eyelashes, look at them! – 
drifting towards the coast of dreams with her tummy full.

I’m thinking about my stupid nose ring.
I caught it on a terry cloth towel and yanked it clean out.
I can’t get it back in and so I’ll have to go to a piercing shop this morning
and gracious, what if it closed already? Will I have to get it re-pierced?

And he whispers across the worn out sheets from Winners,
“Sometimes you still look 19, you know, like right now.”
“Oh, really?” I laugh easily.
“Is it the crows feet? The laugh lines? The white hair at my temples?
What is it shouting “youth” at you right about now, you blind man?”
“You’re happy,” he says simply. 

And I realise, yes, yes, I am.
I’ve been happy for months and months now, even years now, so it’s not just a fluke.
It’s no longer me fighting for a few days of happy in the midst of a lot of exhaustion
and acedia and work and tiredness and overwhelmed-ness.
It’s a bone-deep joy in knowing
He is enough
and the work he has given me right now is enough
and I am enough for us all.

So, a miracle is here and it’s this:
Joy came at my invitation and unpacked her bags and is staying here for a while.

It’s true and it took time,
a lot of Holy-Spirit-breathed-miracle-wind moving me out and along
and a lot of me setting up the sails in anticipation of this very wind blowing someday.
And now we’re laying here,
quiet and happy, grinning at each other in the dim,
 even though nothing in our life 
looks like we thought it would.

Enough is my OneWord for 2011. I’ve been writing about it throughout the year, finding the ways that He is enough and I am too.

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brian, enough, faith, marriage
  • Anonymous

    love your writings! and i usually don't care much about bloggers. keep on keepin on and thanks for the encouragement!

  • Deidra

    This is simply beautiful and I love your last line. Nothing in my life looks like I thought it would either, and I'm glad because His plan was far better than mine.

  • http://fimby.tougas.net Renee @ FIMBY

    Wow, Sarah. I know you get these kind of flattering comments all the time but the way you write is simply amazing. When you write about your marriage, your love affair really, I get goosebumps of happiness but I know what that is like to love and be loved (sharing all of me) with this man of mine. 

    And I am always inspired when you pair that passion (that obviously burns in your marriage) with talk of God and the Holy Spirit. Because the Holy is in that union. It’s in the passion, it’s the very passion itself. 

    I don’t know how else to express this without writing, editing, writing and editing this comment. 

    Suffice to say your writing is such a beautiful intersection of the holy & “earthy” (lacking the words here) parts of Spirit breathed womanhood/wifehood/motherhood. Because the Spirit moves us both to accept ourselves as Beloved (kind of like you say here in between all the other stuff about Joy – which I LOVE also) and also then to offer ourselves as the Beloved. 

    I can’t articulate very well what I’m trying to communicate, I’ll leave it up to you… because you do it so well.

    • http://www.sarahbessey.com/ Sarah Bessey

      Renee, you take my breath away. Thank you so much – that is exactly it, isn’t it? We have learned that there isn’t much difference between the sacred and the secular and really, it’s all a place to find God, eh?  Thank you, friend. So thankful for you. xo

    • http://stephaniesheaffer.com/ Stephanie Sheaffer

      Everything that she said. :)

  • Diana Trautwein

    How very lovely to read that you have discovered this fine truth so very early in your life. I’m still working on it at double your age! I do believe it is the primary struggle of our discipleship journey, of life itself. 

    And on a far more mundane level – sorry about the nose ring!  But I’ll admit, I wonder every time I see one how painful it must be to yank one out by accident. I’ve had double ear piercings for 30 years and it still hurts occasionally when I snag one! Hope it goes well today.

    • http://www.sarahbessey.com/ Sarah Bessey

      It did, indeed. Got it all back in, thanks to a lovely young gentleman covered in ferocious looking tattoos that called me ma’am. 

  • KathleenBasi

    Sarah, that is just beautiful.

  • HisFireFly

    Loved this.  He is always enough, and in Him, we are enough.

  • http://www.betweenloadsoflaundry.com/ Margi Regehr

    Oh, I just love this post! And yes, I KNOW that feeling and it is so precious… It hits me mostly when I have little wee babies and happy healthy big boys and a daddy that loves us all so much… but most of all “Papa” without whom it would not all be possible!

    • http://www.sarahbessey.com/ Sarah Bessey

      Amen.

  • Emily Wierenga

    gorgeous, friend.

  • http://www.redandhoney.com/ Beth Ricci

    beautiful words. beautiful truth. what a gift.

  • http://realchilddevelopment.com Leslie

    Amen to that. I like that a lot. I love the joy!! Still working on this in my life – I’ve definitely come a long way, but not quite there. Beautiful writing once again! 

  • Laura Goddard

    This gives me hope that joy can become a permanent part of my life.  Thanks for yet another beautiful post.

  • http://www.notenoughdevotion.blogspot.com Gretchen

    Beautiful post.  You have a way with words that just draws me into your posts.  I will definitely be following your blog.

  • http://stephaniesheaffer.com/ Stephanie Sheaffer

    As so often is the case, I am in awe of your writing. You have a gift (and I’m glad you share it with all of us).