At most of the Baby Showers I’ve been to lately, there has been a cool idea that I thought we could try here. Basically, the guests (even those that don’t have kids) go around the room and offer their best piece of parenting advice to the new mum-to-be. It’s hilarious and very insightful and sometimes contradictory. I always love it and learn something.
So contribute yours in the comments section! These are mine:
Disclaimer: I don’t claim to have figured out parenting. After all, my two-year-old is currently back in diapers. So trust me, I’m well aware of my shortcomings as a parent. But I thought I’d share my top five recommendations for new parents. After all, I’ve got a three week old right now (already!) and I had a great newborn experience with my first as well.
1. Breastfeeding. I know you’re not likely surprised by this recommendation. But seriously. There are 101 good reasons to breastfeed. Personally, I have never expressed a bottle before and have exclusively just fed my kids from the breast. But that’s just me and it’s also because I don’t have to go back to work until he’s a year old at which time, with Anne, I was just nursing in the morning and at bedtime. For the baby, for you…nutritionally, medically, emotionally and, yes, spiritually, I feel it’s one of the best gifts to give your kids…and you! It’s simple, easy and, personally, I find I have enough milk for a Russian orphanage by about Day 6. This was probably the MOST favourite part of parenting for me, especially in those early months. I felt confident and secure, bonded and strong as a result of this. It mattered to me and it made a huge difference for my kids. (Anne has never even had an ear infection!)
2. Co-sleeping or, as we call our enormous king size bed, The Family Bed. I cannot imagine getting up every hour or two to trudge down the hall to feed or comfort. Personally, I keep my kids in bed with us until they are about 4 months old. Then we start to transition them to their own bed. I like it for several reasons. First of all, I get more sleep!!! If they are hungry, I just roll over and they latch on and nurse while I sleep. And the other benefit is that they sleep more. I found with Anne that it taught her what is day and what is night. She was more prone to fall asleep and STAY asleep because we were right there, she was warm, she was fed etc. Same thing with Joseph. Once we transitioned her to her bed, she slept wonderfully there as well. Even now, she sleeps 12 hours a night and has a 2-3 hour nap a day. She loves her quiet, sleep time. She was even sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and I firmly think it was just because we were sleeping with her. Finally, it helped my husband bond more with the kids. He couldn’t get up and nurse them but he loved to snuggle in bed, hold their warm bodies close and generally have that closeness between them during sleep. It made him feel more connected to them especially after a long day away from the family. There are some families that do it for years but I prefer our own bed after about 4-5 months.
3. The 4th trimester concept. I read this in a book called “The Happiest Baby on the Block.” I didn’t get a whole lot out of the book as it’s more for parents with colick-y babies which I didn’t have. But this concept really stuck with me. Basically, treat your babies like they were born three months too early. Think of it from their perspective – they’ve gone from being held constantly, warm constantly, fed constantly to this life on the outside. Even if you fed them or held them 8 hours a day, to them it feels like a downgrade! 
So don’t worry about schedules, sleeping patterns and routines, particularly related to nursing. Just hold, wear them (another big favourite of mine), nurse on demand, sleep with them etc. After three months, you’ll be well bonded, they’ll be fat and happy and ready for life on the outside. I practiced this with Annie….after three months, she slipped into a happy routine and was on her way. And life was pretty easy in our house. Not too many crying babies for those first three months because they were fed, carried and held. Not too many crying babies afterwards either because by then they were fat, happy and SECURE in our love. My kids don’t walk all over us and we are certainly a “routine” kind of family (I can’t help myself….I love it too much.) but for those first three months, toss it out and just enjoy.
4. Pick them up! This goes back to the 4th Trimester thing. I love “baby wearing.” Anne practically lived in our sling and Snugly. I did everything with her in there – vacuuming, grocery shopping, walking etc. Kids don’t cry when they’re being held and this saves your arms…or keeps them free for cooking or snugly two year olds. Even now, Anne likes to get in the sling with Brian and have him read her stories when she’s not feeling well. If they howl when they’re put down or alone, then just pick them up. I also never bar family from holding the babies. Sometimes my sister or mum or Auntie or someone would say “Oh, should I put her/him down? Am I spoiling them?” I don’t think you can spoil a baby in the first few months. If they want to hold them and rock, then for pity’s sake, rock away. I’d rather Joseph and Anne have too much love than not enough.
5. The Holy Spirit. You can read all of the books in the world, talk to all of the parents in the world, have all the support in the world but at the end of the day, it’s you, your spouse and your kids. And I don’t know about you guys, but I ran out of myself pretty darn quick. I need God’s wisdom and insight. I need even the occasional miracle. I need his strength, power, wisdom and even unconditional love. I need that peace and patience operating in my life. Without my lifeline to the spirit of God, I don’t know how to parent. I don’t know how to love so completely, overwhelmingly and effectively. But whenever I’m at the end of my rope, i feel the voice of God speak to me and give me wisdom for my kids. And inevitably, when I screw up as I often do, there is always grace there for me…and for my tinies.
What about you? What are your best-kept secrets that you would tell new mums if you could??
