We’re all doing it scared.

No one has it all figured out. We’re all a bit messy, a bit imperfect, a bit of a wreck.

I’m gratefully disillusioned now. I know that the leaders, the world-changers, all have their junk just like I do: the only difference is they are showing up anyway.

I think that when I realised that no one has it figured out and you don’t have to be perfect to BEGIN, it freed me to begin to show up. Even though I have a lot of imperfections and mess, even though I’m disgustingly normal, I began to show up. Not only in my work but in my mind, my heart, my life, my soul, my mothering, everywhere. I began to live a seamless life.

When Glennon mentioned this “brutiful” (her word to say beautiful + brutal) idea of the Sacred Scared series, in theory, I was totally on board. Yes! I am gratefully disillusioned! Let me disillusion others!

But when I actually sat down to write, what came out of my heart and fell onto the page was terrifying. And convicting. And embarrassing. And normal.

I couldn’t believe I was going to share this. I couldn’t believe I was going to say it out loud. ON THE INTERNET. This was suddenly a very bad idea.

In fact, I had a panic about it a few days ago and rewrote something else entirely, something safer to share. It was the equivalent of a job interview when they ask you about your great weakness and you answer, oh, I work too hard. Barf. But Glennon gently pushed back because she is a good friend to me –  and she knew I was going back into hiding. It took more courage to share this than it took to include the picture without make up and, sister, that is saying something.

And now it’s out there. I’m relieved. And squirmy. And feeling naked.

As she wrote this morning to introduce me and Shauna Niequist (whom I love with more ardor than is probably proper):

This series is about refusing to be ashamed of our humanity. The world is changed by scared people who JUST GO AHEAD AND SHOW UP SCARED AND FULLY HUMAN instead of waiting  to morph into some sort of superhero before they start living. World changers show up, with their insecurity looming and their knees shaking – long before anybody gives them permission to show up. Don’t wait for permission and don’t wait for perfection. Do what you need to do.  Fail wildly and try again. Fail again and try again, again. Keep failing and trying ’till you die. THAT’S THE STUFF.  All the magic and connection and excitement and LIFE is in the flailing and failing with other messy, beautiful, brave folks. Trust me on that one. Love, G

So what’s my big insecurity? Here you go. Have at it. 

In which I link you up (vol. 43)
In which we pray for belonging :: for SheLoves Magazine
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  • Alia_Joy

    Read your whole post over at Momastery crying into my coffee this morning. Thank you. I struggle too. I have set boundaries to tell myself good things, loving things so my daughter won’t have to fight my demons about body and weight and standards of airbrushed beauty I can never reach, but it’s hard and I fail and it feels so silly to be a mom in my thirties worried about my fat roll because really? It seems so self-involved and petty. So thank you. How can we let these things go unless we name them? By the way, I think you are stunning.

  • Kristi Ahrens

    Sarah! Thank you so much for writing that! I have the same struggle. I heard you speak at the IF gathering, and I loved your spirit the moment I heard you start talking. You are such an encouragement to women in the body of Christ! I am inspired by your authenticity. Authenticity is the clarion call of our generation, and Christ’s beauty in our dark spaces is made magnificent when we open our mouths about our struggles, type it on our keyboards, or put pen to paper. Share away friend!

  • 100% right there with you. I think so many of us women are, no matter our size or shape. It’s sort of isolating to stand next to my size 4 friend and hear her talk about needing to “drop 5 pounds”, but at the same time I try to take it as a sign that we are literally never perfect in the eyes of the world, there’s nothing we can do where we’re allowed to feel “just right”. There’s always some new eye makeup, new diet, new pair of jeans “that take off 2 sizes!”. It’s never okay to just be. I was speaking to my husband last night and he pointed out to me that I have not really said anything GOOD about myself in a long time, and he’d like me to look more closely at my own words, how we tear ourselves down… like you, I’ve decided I can’t say “I’m fat” anymore, or talk about weight. For one thing, right now I’m going to gain weight whether I want to or not, haha, but I do think how we speak and what we say can change how we think. So maybe taking some of my pat “I’m not happy with myself” phrases off the table will help me realize they’re just phrases and not written in stone.

  • Michelle

    Thank you, Sarah. I have been a big fan for a long time and it seems each day I read what you write, I want to move to BC to be your neighbor! You write so beautifully and have wonderful things to say. And, not that it matters, but I have never seen a picture of you and thought “Well, she could stand to lose a few pounds.” (Sadly, as someone who could stand to lose a few pounds, I find myself thinking that of others often — I’m working on changing that everyday!). You are beautiful inside and out — God bless you!

  • Sarah, you have no idea how perfectly timed this is for me. On a public blogging sabbatical, going back to why I do this, who I am and everything like that, I needed to read this. To know it’s okay to be messy, and to be reminded that I don’t have to have it all together to begin…and to make a difference.

  • Emmer Sto

    Thank you for being real 🙂 It takes a lot of guts to do the things that terrify or shame us! That’s all 😀

  • Thanks for that. You inspired me to write my own version of this as I discovered something about myself recently.

  • Taylor Rauschkolb

    So beautiful, Sarah!

  • lndwhr

    You are absolutely beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart and your “scared”.

  • tammy

    I just read your sacred sacred at momastery and I’m just so encouraged by all of your voices. Your voice is one of my favorites, because I’ve seen that it’s true. Real. You reached out to me and saw me, when I once wrote to you. You saw my sacred. My insecurity. And you honored it. Proud of you and honored to see you in your sacred space. Together we make each other strong. Thank you for helping others find their best. All blessings to you…xo

  • I’m so glad you DID say it, even [especially] out loud on the Internet. Your brave, scary admission is all kinds of beautiful… as is your face. Really, truly. “Beautiful inside and out” is not just a cliche here, and you better believe I’m including the makeup free picture in that.

  • Bawled my eyes out over this, and over what you wrote at Momastery today. i love you, i love your heart, and damn, woman, you are beautiful.

  • Helen Murray

    Sarah – Oh my goodness. Me too, me too, me too.
    Thank you.

  • janetb1

    I think I worry about food but for the opposite reason and that is maintaining my thinness. Is that even a word? Well I am stepping out and making it one. Thanks Sarah. Have a beautiful day! Love your blog.

  • Oh Sarah.
    I love you with more ardor than is probably proper 😉
    Thank you. You (and Shauna) have both shown me that I’m not the only one over and over.

  • Rebekah

    Thanks for sharing! Last year I lost 23kg/50lbs and was the smallest Id been since high school. I felt fantastic because I was exercising and eating well. But even after all that, I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw. How sad is that?! People called me tiny and I couldn’t see it!! Body image is such a distorted lie and I’m so glad I was aware of the fact that it was a lie!! Im now pregnant with my third and it is so hard (some days it feels impossible?) to look at myself in the mirror without disgust. Yes, disgust even though I’m carrying the precious gift of a child! I’m so so committed to address this craziness in my heart and mind and just wanted to affirm not only your bravery in sharing your vulnerability but the important choice you’ve made to overcome it because these issues have a lot less to do with our size and a lot more to do with our head and heart. Bravo!!

  • Angela

    So incredibly thankful for your heart, your honesty, your beauty. Keep on with those good, loving words so we can all listen in.

  • Kelly W

    Blessed by your courage, praying blessings your way.

  • jamieivey

    Love you friend and am honored and proud to know you.

  • AmandaMedlin

    Sarah, thank you so much for being honest. I gave birth to my third child, first daughter, a few months ago and I so desperately want to raise her in the truth and knowledge that her worth goes far beyond her physical image, and yet I feel like such a hypocrite because I am so overwhelmingly depressed about my weight. Thank you for letting me know that it is normal to speak God’s truth about physical appearance, but still wrestle with believing the truth ourselves. Blessings to you, my beautiful sister!

  • Jenny Foster

    I find the picture of yourself with no make-up as the most beautiful of all… you are a very lovely human being. Thanks for making yourself vulnerable and real..because those are the very things that we all struggle with and you laid it out on the table. Peace and love to you.